Two Wrongs, Something, Something, a Right

By  Chris Espenshade

“I told you that this has to be perfect, yet here’s a typo: repeal instead of repel any Russian efforts to meddle with our elections” noted the Chief of Staff.

The speechwriter urged him “Keep reading. You’ll see.”

“Huh? You have him correcting himself in the next sentence. He’ll look illiterate.”

“Exactly. That’s the crux of this clarification. Our most tremendous leader is just human and occasionally misspeaks. We give cover, a hook, to our friends in Congress and Fox News. If critics say would-wouldn’t is not credible, our supporters can point out that even in this carefully scripted clarification, he got a word wrong. Just like I had him misspell collusion in his margin notes the other day. He’s not Putin’s bitch; he’s just a moron. That’s our defense.”

The Chief nodded in approval, noting, “You know, you’re a devious little prick. You’ll go far in this administration. Now, you can only print one copy, and you have to retrieve it and destroy it immediately after the press conference. Folks can never find out.”

“Understood.”

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