Bovine Divine

By Donna Dallas

She was interested in a man, a real man.  He was searching for companionship, a mate.  They met on equal terms, becoming equal partners.  Overwhelmed by her beauty, he was proud of himself for discovering such a pearl.  She fell instantly in love with his good looks.  They shared silliness and deepness.

Later, he became intimidated by her ability to love him and still flow independently through their relationship.  She simply wanted him to love her as she was.  He was then uncomfortable with her appearance, the qualities that made him want her to begin with.  He commented on her high heels, ripped jeans and fire engine lips.  Under the intensity of his words, she felt insecure.  She clung to him like a child clings to a doll.  She sought his approval with everything from coffee to careers.  He became disgusted with her neediness.  She was desperate and begged him constantly to love her.  He, annoyed at her pleas and bored with her predictability, stopped calling.  He constructed a metal wall and encased himself within it.  She was helpless and pathetic and unable to embrace his cold iron facade, though she attempted it many times.   Disillusioned, slowly and with some remorse, she reverted back to her old self.  In time, her memory of him slipped through the cracks of the sidewalks she traveled over with her ripped jeans and high heels.

He wondered why she hadn’t called and ached for her company.  He called her and when there was no return call, came to visit.  He was overcome by her loveliness.  She believed him to be her weakness.  Because she loved him too much, she gave up herself and now that she had herself back, he wanted her.  He craved her like a sinful dessert and she inherited control.  She could manipulate him since he would do anything to have her back. Testing this, she commented on his clothes, his friends and his inability to romanticize her.  Now he was mush, a putty ball begging to be kneaded.  She hated him and wondered where the equality of their relationship had gone.

He loved her more and more.  Seeing his weakness, she saw herself in him and realized there had been a role reversal.  Now that she was he and he became her, she put up her own wall.  She enjoyed sitting behind it watching him grow confused and hurt.  She was comfortable and safe from the pains of love.  She decided never to come back out.

Donna studied Creative Writing and Philosophy at NYU’s Gallatin School.  She has been published in Mud Fish, Nocturnal Lyric, The Café Review, The New York Quarterly and was lucky enough to study under William Packard. She is recently found or forthcoming in 34th Parallel, Vending Machine Press, Anti-Heroin Chic, The Opiate, Sick Lit Magazine, Dum Dum Zine and Furious Gazelle.

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